The dinner party
guest who observes with dismay the array of flatware on either
side of her plate, need only take the time to learn the simple
secret to the plan. There are, of course, a few tips and pitfalls
to be aware of, as well as the occasional surprising item
you can eat with your hands.
From time to time -- perhaps at an important business dinner,
or a first dinner with the family of the person who may be
"the One" -- it is necessary to display a more sophisticated
knowledge of table etiquette. This is not difficult, once
you have mastered the basics. Anyone armed with this core
knowledge and the ability to adapt smoothly to the situation
at hand will be able to handle even the most formal event.
The goal is not, after all, to demonstrate utter mastery of
the most arcane details of etiquette (which would be quite
difficult considering the wide variations of customs in different
cultures and from generation to generation), but rather to
behave with graciousness and poise at the table.
Napkin Use
The meal begins when the host unfolds his or her napkin.
This is your signal to do the same. Place your napkin on
your lap, completely unfolded if it is a small luncheon
napkin or in half, lengthwise, if it is a large dinner napkin.
Typically, you want to put your napkin on your lap soon
after sitting down at the table (but follow your host's
lead). The napkin remains on your lap throughout the entire
meal and should be used to gently blot your mouth when needed.
If you need to leave the table during the meal, place your
napkin on your chair as a signal to your server that you
will be returning. The host will signal the end of the meal
by placing his or her napkin on the table. Once the meal
is over, you too should place your napkin neatly on the
table to the right of your dinner plate. (Do not refold
your napkin, but don't wad it up, either.)
Ordering
If, after looking over the menu, there are items you are
uncertain about, ask your server any questions you may have.
Answering your questions is part of the server's job. It
is better to find out before you order that a dish
is prepared with something you do not like or are allergic
to than to spend the entire meal picking tentatively at
your food. An employer will
generally suggest that your order
be taken first; his or her order will be taken last. Sometimes,
however, the server will decide how the ordering will proceed.
Often, women's orders are taken before men's. As a guest,
you should not order one of the most expensive items on
the menu or more than two courses unless your host indicates
that it is all right.
"Reading" the Table Setting
Should you be attending a formal dinner or banquet with
pre-set place settings, it is possible to gain clues about
what may be served by "reading" the place setting.
Start by drawing an imaginary line through the center of
the serving plate (the plate will be placed in the center
of your dining space). To the right of this imaginary line
all of the following will be placed; glassware, cup and
saucer, knives, and spoons, as well as a seafood
fork if the meal includes seafood. It is important to place
the glassware or cup back in the same position after its
use in order to maintain the visual presence of the table.
To the left of this imaginary line all of the following
will be placed; bread and butter plate (including small
butter knife placed horizontally across the top
of the plate), salad plate,
napkin, and forks. Remembering the rule of "liquids
on your right" and "solids on your left"
will help in allowing you to quickly become familiar with
the place setting.
Use of Silverware
Choosing the correct silverware from the variety in front
of you is not as difficult as it may first appear. Starting
with the knife, fork, or spoon that is farthest from your
plate, work your way in, using one utensil for each course.
There are two ways to use a knife and fork to cut and eat
your food.
They are the American style and the European or Continental
style. Either style is considered appropriate. In the American
style, one cuts the food by holding the knife in the right
hand and the fork in the left hand with the fork tines piercing
the food to secure it on the plate. Cut a few bite-size
pieces of food, then lay your knife across the top edge
of your plate with the sharp edge of the blade facing in.
Change your fork from your left to your right hand to eat,
fork tines facing up. (If you are left-handed, keep your
fork in your left hand, tines facing up.) The European or
Continental style is the same as the American style in that
you cut your meat by holding your knife in your right hand
while securing your food with your fork in your left hand.
The difference is your fork remains in your left hand, tines
facing down, and the knife in your right hand. Simply eat
the cut pieces of food by picking them up with your fork
still in your left hand.
When You Have Finished
Do not push your plate away from you when you have finished
eating. Leave your plate where it is in the place setting.
The common way to show that you have finished your meal
is to lay your fork and knife diagonally across your plate.
Place your knife and fork side by side, with the sharp side
of the knife blade facing inward and the fork, tines down,
to the left of the knife. The knife and fork should be placed
as if they are pointing to the numbers 10 and 4 on a clock
face. Make sure they are placed in such a way that they
do not slide off the plate as it is being removed. Once
you have used a piece of silverware, never place it back
on the table.